Cycle of Confusion

Let's get this straight. I loathe pornography. For my final public speaking speech, I spoke about how porn damages the brain, relationships, and society. The ethos, pathos and logos were on point because truth always prevails. If you can’t make those modes of persuasion work, then you’re probably not conveying the truth. I also discredited vaccines in another class, but that’s a different story for another time.

I find porn to be vile, disgusting, and a key destroyer of relationships. Whether they are marriages, dating relationships, friendships or family relationships, porn just shreds them up from the inside out. I call it the silent killer. I really don't have crazy, unrealistic standards for my future spouse, but I'll be damned if I get with anyone who's into it. That just won't fly with this chick, never has and never will. Ever. I'm that girl, and I won't apologize for wanting better for myself and others. I have standards, hear me roar.

I'm not in the mood to get into it about chastity and purity right now, so that's that. However I will say that pornography strips men of their much needed masculinity, and also deprives women of their true feminity. In turn we have effeminate men who don't know how to conduct themselves as men, and women who no longer possess the mystery of authentic femininity. No wonder everyone is so confused, because no one knows how to act in the first place. Since no one knows how to act, no one knows how to respond to one another. What we have now is a cycle of confusion where no one knows if they're coming or going. You can thank porn for that, since it shrinks the frontal lobe of your brain. It's only the part of the brain that's in charge of problem solving and decision making. No big deal, right? Immaturity is also a factor, and porn does a great job of keeping its viewers perpetually immature. No thank you.

The solution is simple. Painfully simple. Reject it. Don’t be lame, because that’s what porn is. Want better for yourself. There's no crime in that. Want better for your current and future relationships and you'll thank yourself later. If one little girl could reject what wasn’t good for herself and others, then why can't you?

St. Maria Goretti, pray for us.

The Silent Drug

There’s a new plague in our society. It has been lurking over time, yet gradually growing, infecting, and spreading wherever it can reach. 
Sometimes it’s silent. Sometimes it’s a whisper. Sometimes it rears its’ ugly head, demanding to be seen and heard by all, only to take all down with it. 

Pornography. 

Yes, I’m finally going there. It’s nearly impossible to go anywhere, turn on any channel, any radio station, anything, without it being pornographic, even in the slightest away. More than anything, it’s pathetic. 

Pathetic because these organizations, producers, directors, designers and whatnot are reducing all to cheap sexuality to force-feed to the people. Our latest example is 50 Shades of Grey. But, we as people can rise above it, and be better than that.

What happened to human sexuality being special? Being treasured? Being revered instead of tossed everywhere and in everyone’s face? Porn is a disease of its’ own, and more than anything, it kills love. It really and truly does. 

Love is cool. 

Porn is not cool. 

It never will be, because nothing is better or cooler than real love. I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it until my voice goes out. We all long for love, and that isn’t a bad thing. It shows that we desire to be unselfish, to think of and eventually give ourselves to another. However, love can’t be found in pornography, because porn warps and distorts the idea of love, by making it solely about yourself, instead of anyone else. The awesome thing about love is that it calls you to forget yourself, for the good of your beloved. 

Porn is the antithesis of love.

However, our modern society definitely isn’t understanding that concept, but that should only be part of our motivation to go against this tide, pursue authentic love, and rise above porn. Although pornography is rampant in the world today, not all hope is lost, because in the end, love always triumphs. 

Which is where I introduce to you, Fight The New Drug 

This is an organization I am very excited about, and if you haven’t heard of them or checked them out before, I strongly urge you to do so. Like, now. They’re doing an amazing job of spreading the word that porn is harmful, not only through the merch and media exposure, but also through the hard facts on the harmful effects of porn use. 

So remember kids, love is cool, and anything else opposite of that, just isn’t.

The Secret to Love

Happy Valentine's Day! A holiday that is so hated yet loved, but in reality the feast day of a great martyr. Despite being single, I personally enjoy Valentine's Day because I'm all for love. Authentic love, that is. Although I am not even remotely close to getting married, I'm already feeling bad for my future spouse because Valentine's Day and my birthday are nearly back to back. Sorry buddy, wherever you are. You'll get extra prayers today. Anyway, in the meanwhile, I have been busy living my community life, watching season 4 of Downton Abbey (I'll miss Matthew forever) and discerning life in general. I also gave a chastity/purity talk to middle schoolers, which was a pretty cool and fruitful experience. Now where were we? 
Oh yes, Valentine's Day.

Love is something that we all long for, whether we admit it or not. Today I'm not going to go on and on about how great chastity and purity are, even though they are pretty awesome and forge the strongest and best relationships. Instead, let's just talk about love. I've said it before, and I'll say it a million times over a million more: love is sacrifice. Where there is no sacrifice, there is no love. When selfishness enters, everything begins to turn to dust. Really. Let's take St. Valentine himself for example, since today is his feast day. He loved God so much, that he sacrificed his life by being brutally beaten with clubs and beheaded, rather than renounce his faith. If that's not love, I don't know what is. So when you see the day plastered in pink and red tones, cheesy bears, pretty flowers and cheap chocolates, forget about the commercialism and remember the day originally bloomed from one man's wholehearted love for God. Major Catholic win for the world.

From the heroic example of St. Valentine and many others, we will never understand or experience true love, until we learn to sacrifice. Yes, it can be painful and it hurts, but love is worth it. This we have learned from Our Lord, Who so willingly sacrificed Himself for love of us. Hence why I state the crucifix is the image of authentic love. So if you want true, selfless and everlasting love, go to Christ crucified. There's no greater love than His. As St. Clare of Assisi said, "Totally love Him, Who gave Himself totally for your love."

Until next time, single or not, I hope all of your hearts remain between the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary, because there's where true love endlessly resounds. 

St. Valentine, ora pro nobis!

To Love and Be Loved

For the past few days, setting and keeping high standards has been mulling over in my mind. I have a list of 40-something non-negotiable standards that I  expect in my future spouse, if that is my vocation, God willing. Don't get me wrong, they're not anything fantastical, outlandish or impossible to live up to. Who knows, as time passes, I may even add more. The standards that I keep are my rock; if a guy doesn’t meet even one of them, out he goes. End of story. Ain’t nobody got time for anything else! It’s not that I’m asking for perfection, because I’m not perfect myself, but I know exactly what I want, and I won’t waste my time on someone I couldn’t see myself marrying. Yeah, I’m that kind of girl, praise the Lord most high.
Is having high standards hard? Yup.
At the end of the day, with my empty inbox in the morning and at night, is it even worth it? You bet.

I've never had one serious boyfriend, and that truly doesn't bother me because I'm content knowing that I'm saving my affections and the like for one man, even if I haven't met him yet. If anything, it saddens me that our society ambushes girls with the idea that if they don’t have a boyfriend, or multiple ex's, they're failing at life as a female. Not true! I’m no feminist, so I’m not going to hate on men, but you don’t absolutely have to have a man in your life, 24/7. In order for yourself to grow spiritually and emotionally, there needs to be a time of singleness, and there is nothing wrong or embarrassing about that, because you’re discovering who you are, and finding yourself before you find someone else. 

I’m constantly stressing that just because a guy is nice and says sweet things, it doesn’t mean you’re suddenly obliged to date him. In my book, being nice and smelling good aren't anything to be praised. Firstly because everyone should be genuinely nice, without ulterior motives. Secondly, no one should purposefully stink. Crazy, I know. However, if he can lead you to Heaven and ultimately closer to God than to himself, then that is to be praised. You go, guy.  

If all girls could see their true worth, there would be a change in the tide. My sisters, you are worth so, so much more than a guy who doesn't care about your soul, or respecting you as a whole person, instead of a collection of body parts. There's no such thing as the perfect man (at least on Earth), but the right man will be perfect for you. In the meantime, you don’t have to be bruising your precious heart over and over again. Patience is key.
In part, we girls are so eager for love, we can easily cling to the first thing that foggily resembles an ounce of love, and lie to ourselves that it’s the real deal. But I am begging and pleading you, from the bottom of my heart, to be strong and hold out for the true, chaste love that you deserve and desire. Why specifically chaste love? Bl. John Paul II put it perfectly when he said, "Only the chaste man and the chaste woman are capable of true love." Along with pure friendship, chastity is the foundation of authentic love, which I've talked about numerous times in previous posts. It's not bad that we long for love. I repeat, it is not bad or shameful that we long for love. It’s good. It shows that we desire to be unselfish, and give ourselves to another. It’s been wired into all of our dear hearts by our Heavenly Father, and the same goes for men, mingled with their desire to protect. 

To put it this way, what good ever comes out of impatience? Look at the Israelites in Sacred Scripture. God had the Promised Land laid out for them, yet they were increasingly impatient to get there. To parallel, think of yourself; are you trusting that God has a perfect plan for your desires of love, or are you taking the matter into your own hands and rushing it? 
God is good, and He has perfect plans for each and every one of us, but we are the ones who grow impatient and anxious. I won’t sit here and preach that I’ve never been tempted to settle for less, or have never grown anxious and lonely, or have never felt forever alone. The struggle is real. Despite the occasional rough patches, my desire for authentic love is stronger than the fleeting emotions and those are the times where I remind myself that God isn’t done yet. For all I know, it's only the beginning. At the end of the day, I have joy in the knowledge that Christ loves me much, much more, a million times more than any man ever could or can. This goes for everyone. If I've learned anything during this period of (technically, aside from family and friends) being on my own, it's that we will never be content with anything, until we allow ourselves to love and be loved by Christ. There is nothing on this Earth, that will truly and fully satisfy our yearning for love, but His. 

So my sisters, first love and be loved by Christ alone. Everything else will fall into place. It takes courage, but be those women of courage and trust Him completely, and give Him your heart. I can promise you that it will be the best decision you'll ever make. While you're at it, embrace your God-given femininity. No matter what the world says, it's beautiful and has the power to inspire men for the better. 
And for you manly men out there, continue to be true gentlemen, and don't be afraid of your masculinity. It's also God-given, and this world desperately needs masculine fathers, priests and men who aren't afraid to be men. Your future families, (or parishes) will thank you.

Another One about Chastity

Happy feast of St. Dominic! Founder of the Dominican Order and patron of astronomers, pray for us! Our Lady gifted us with the Holy Rosary through him, so a wonderful way to celebrate his feast day would be to faithfully and devoutly pray one rosary, or two, or three. There's a huge difference between saying the rosary, and actually praying it. I have found that much more graces come from praying it, instead of flying through the beads. Concerning the rosary and Dominicans, Pope Pius XI said, "The Rosary of Mary is the principle and foundation on which the very Order of St. Dominic rests for making perfect the life of its members and obtaining the salvation of others."

St. Dominic, ora pro nobis!

Today's topic is emotional chastity. While we apply chastity to the flesh and our actions, it can also be applied to our emotions. Remember that chastity is not repression, nor is it the absence of carnal desires. Like I've said in my previous post about chastity, it is also not about being physically unattractive or having a neurotic outlook on the opposite gender. One of my favorite organizations, Made In His Image, defines chastity as, "the ordered approach to love." As the ordered approach to love, it calls for what it best for the beloved. I may have said it before, but chastity frees love to be authentic. To be physically chaste is one thing, but to be emotionally chaste is another. We all have emotions, and emotions are meant to be felt. However, we should not be entirely dictated by our emotions, because they are fleeting and can easily change from one way to another. This is where chastity comes in. Chastity allows us to control our emotions and desires, instead of letting them control us. 

Just as we use chastity to guard our most intimate beings, mind and heart, it can also be used to guard our emotions, which comes back around to guarding our hearts. One way of being emotionally chaste is to not begin fantasizing or imagining things about a person, whether it is sexual or not, because the bottom line is that the said person is being reduced to an object to be used. In plainer words, it is objectifying them. While some imaginings may be innocent, such as a handsome man bringing a single girl flowers or in more extreme cases, imagining what their children would look like, it is nonetheless objectifying the man, because whether she knows it or not, the woman is seeing him as a means to fulfill her emotional needs, and no longer as a whole person. Men can also fall into this trap, but in a different way, because they were created to be very visual. One solution is to remember/realize that every single person walking this earth has a soul, heart and mind, and they were not meant or created to be objectified, as if they were an inanimate object. Going back to our definition of love, objectifying the person is not what is best for them because it is depriving them of their humanity, so it is not chastely loving them. 

Emotional chastity also has relevance to our relationships with others. In a sense, to be chaste is to preserve a special part of ourselves that is only meant for one; either for your spouse, or for Christ, depending on what vocation you are called to. When we are emotionally unchaste, while we are not physically giving away ourselves, we are doing this emotionally. This is not healthy and can lead to heartaches, if we are unwise with the use of our emotions. Yes, we can have (chaste) relationships with others, because man is not meant to be alone, but we should go at it in a way that recognizes the dignity of ourselves and of the person next to us, as children of God.

Physical chastity demands discipline and the virtue of fortitude. Its emotional counterpart also requires these, but rather in the mind and thoughts. By practicing emotional chastity not only are we guarding our hearts, but also our souls. Through both physical, mental and emotional chastity; the virtue of chastity as a whole, we are opening the door for pure and authentic love to waltz in, of course in our Heavenly Father's time. Think about it; if nobody has regretted being chaste, why would anyone regret being emotionally chaste?
The ability to love is one of the sweetest gifts God has given us. Chastity is what trains and prepares us to give and receive the authentic love I have been speaking of. While practicing chastity may be difficult today or tomorrow, I can promise you that in His time, when your vocation is all figured out, and you are where you are meant to be, the struggles and triumphs will be worth it. Even in the now of things, it also greatly improves your relationships with others, both male and female. It's an armor of the mind. A perfect model of this virtue is St. Joseph, Our Blessed Mother's most chaste spouse. Through his example, we can draw inspiration and strength to fight the good fight, and come out victorious in Christ. 

I understand the struggle of remaining chaste in this modern society, but be rest assured that my prayers are with you. More importantly, all of Heaven is cheering you on. Go, be chaste and if you fall, get back up and try again! Remember that there is no such thing as too much perseverance. 

St. Joseph, pray for us,
Mater Dolorosa, ora pro nobis,
-Yvonne Gemma

-End of actual post, other small tidbits here-

I'm preparing to begin school again very soon, (senior year, class of '14). Although I don't have senioritis, I'm looking forward to graduating high school. I'm hoping to keep busy without becoming stressed out this year, since idleness can be spiritually dangerous. Please pray for me! 

Chastity and Love: BFF's

Oh love. Glorious, marvelous love. It makes boys smile in spite of themselves, and girls blush while their eyes light up. Love is great. It's great to be in love, no one can deny that. But, love has a best friend and counterpart.
Chastity. 
Be prepared to read that word about fifty times, more or less. While all of the virtues are wonderful and holy, chastity happens to be one that is near and dear to my little heart. Since I have experienced the utter joy, peace, love and patience (note: a few fruits of the Holy Spirit) that chastity brings, I cannot stress how important and fulfilling it is to practice this virtue. 

But what is chastity?

Bl. John Paul II put it excellently as follows, "Chastity can only be thought of in the association of the virtue of love." 

However, what is love? Really and truly? Whether we admit it or not, we all long for love. That is not a bad thing. We were created for love, and to be loved. First, it should be by our Heavenly Father; the only One Who can fully and completely satisfy the thirst for love. I firmly believe that when a person loves God above all, He will guide them to the form of love He has planned for him or her. It could be through holy matrimony, holy orders, or blessed singleness. However, one should not fret or be opposed to any of these great vocations, because each one is perfectly assigned through Divine Providence, by a God Who makes no mistakes. 

Now then, all of this information is good, even great, to internalize. But it still hasn't answered the first question. 

Ready for it?

Love is sacrifice and desiring the greater good for your beloved, even when it means dying to yourself.

Before I begin to explain how chastity ties in with this definition of love, let us look at Christ crucified. It is not an easy image to see, but this is love. 
Behold the greatest act of love that has ever been accomplished on this Earth.

Christ crucified is the absolute perfect image of true love. He completely and fully died and sacrificed Himself for His bride, the Church, His beloved, for her greater good. The crucifix is all masculine and all love. How so? Love is and calls for sacrifice. A boy doesn't become a man when he loses his virginity; he becomes a man when he learns to forget himself in order to selflessly sacrifice... which is hence, masculine. So men, to learn how to be masculine, and how to love in a chaste and pure way, look to Jesus crucified. Yes, it is difficult, but to die to yourself for the greater good of your beloved, whether it be to a woman, or to the Church under holy orders, will only make you a better, more Christ-like man. Next, in soars chastity. My favorite speaker on chastity, Jason Evert, has said, "Chastity teaches you to give yourself to another in a sacrificial way." 

To be chaste and practice chastity, does not mean to be prudish or to be as physically unattractive as you can. Think of it this way: the ugliest person could be the most unchaste person, while the most beautiful can be the most chaste. Chastity also is not the same as repression, as if it is holding you back or stopping you from anything. As the ordered approach to love, chastity does the opposite. It frees you to authentically love in a pure, selfless and amazing way... without being sexual. The world would gasp at such an expression of love, but take a look at how those relationships end up working out, as in usually failing. Harsh, yet true. 

As chastity and modesty go hand-in-hand, there is an air of mystery about the relationship. What is not seen and what is unknown, is alluring and provides a stronger foundation to the couple practicing chastity, because they are falling in the love for the right reasons, without the worry of lust. When a couple is sexually active, the relationships tend to end more quickly, because lust is impatient. As Jason Evert has also said, "Love can wait to give, but lust can't wait to get." However, chastity provides the protection that is needed to sift out the users. Chastity also brings forth the opportunity to love one another in pure, non-sexual ways. This can be through little gifts, innocent time spent together and so on. With the elimination of sex and impure actions, lust is thrown out the window and genuine love is invited in. With the distraction of sex out of the picture, the pair can really focus on getting to know each other, and clearly discern if their vocations are to be married. 

Chastity challenges men to go beyond their sexual desires, and show their beloved that they can chastely and purely love and relate to them, beyond their body. Ladies, don't settle for a guy who isn't willing to do this for you. No man has any right to your body, until he lifts your wedding veil and puts a ring on your finger. At the bottom of every girls' heart, she wants to be loved for who she is, beyond her sexuality. Only after marriage, should you give your husband the priceless, beautiful gift of yourself, and he the same for you. The marital act isn't bad, and isn't dirty, because it comes from God, and He does not create anything that is bad or dirty. It is good, sacred and holy, when it is done within the boundaries of marriage, the only place where it is meant to be. When you truly love someone, you do what is best for them, at all costs. To put the sin of impurity on their soul is not what is best for them, because true love waits. It is patient and not rushed. 

Yet, even if you have made mistakes in the past, what matters the most is where you go from here, as Jason Evert and his wife, Crystalina, always note. Chastity opens the door for a love that is authentic, pure, peaceful and focused on the greatest good for the whole person. Meanwhile, its' counterfeit offers stress, the potential pain of being used, and an uneasy conscience. Why an uneasy conscience? Notice that when something is chaste and pure, it does not have to be rationalized and peace comes with it.

Which form of love will you choose to give and receive?

Before I end this post, I have one thing left to say. Pray for your future spouse, even if you have not met them yet. Your prayers for them can make a world of a difference in their lives. Girls, entrust your future husband to St. Joseph. Guys, entrust your future wife to Our Blessed Mother. Praying for your future spouse and knowing that they are out there somewhere should help you to live a chaste life; wouldn't you also want them to live a chaste life, prior to your marriage? Even if your vocation is not holy matrimony, living a chaste lifestyle will greatly benefit your vocation of holy orders or blessed singleness. When you respect and treat your sexuality with the dignity and reverence it deserves, you are also honoring God, He Who is also love. 

St. Maria Goretti, St. Raphael, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Gemma Galgani, St. Gianna Beretta Molla, Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, St. Augustine, chaste heart of St. Joseph, Mater Dolorosa, pray for us.

Stay strong, chaste and pure, authentic love awaits...

-Yvonne Gemma