Promise Me No Promise Ring

It all started a few weeks ago, with a text to the boyfriend.

I haven’t talked about dating in a while because the topic gets old and stale to me. But I do want to talk about promise rings since I’ve been meaning to for a long time. For a backdrop I myself have never found them to be romantic, cute, or even slightly desirable. They just scream of middle and high school kids who aimlessly date while having absolutely no business dating, when they don’t know what the purpose of dating is. If anyone tried giving me a promise ring I’d be seriously insulted and perturbed. I know a few others who also share the same sentiment, and rightly so.

Why the offense? Because it’s a cop out, a substitute, an ersatz offering. Of course there’s the trailing argument which goes something like, “Well, we’re not ready for marriage yet but we’re pledging to stay together and stay faithful until we are.” I call foul to that. Ready or not if that’s the person God wills you with then you should be working towards seriously getting ready anyhow; without cutesy little rings signifying nothing more than ambiguity. 

When a guy gives a girl a promise ring he’s basically saying, “Sweetheart, I like you a lot but I don’t actually love you enough to make a hard, real commitment through an engagement ring, so take this little substitute instead and it’ll be a real commitment later. You know, eventually, I don’t know when, but sometime in the ambiguous future.” 

So basically, “I’m committing to commit to you in the future, but until then I want you to commit to committing to me until I’m ready to commit to commit to you for real.” 

Come on now, what kind of mess is that? 

It’s lazily going halves, that’s what. When it comes to love and marriage, you cannot go halves or be lazy. It’s not 50/50, it’s 100/100. Men do what is hard and giving a promise ring isn’t very hard to do since it’s not a real commitment and there’s no hard work involved in that. I’m going to go as far to say that it’s an act of sloth because it’s avoiding what’s hard by choosing the easy way out. Promise rings require no real commitment and are some cheap, weak way to try to show off, which in retrospect isn’t and shouldn’t be very impressive. However, sincerely promising a marriage in the near future is what truly takes courageous virtue. 

A promise ring is also based on feelings, not action. That alone is problematic since love requires movement and can’t be based on stagnant hunks of jewelry to show off pseudo action. There we have a guy patting himself on the back for keeping his girlfriend appeased while he’s not actually doing anything, whilst thinking he’s made in the shade and has her in the bag. On the other hand the girl is starry-eyed and in awe that he’s promising to promise  to commit to her one day, eventually... who knows when. It just reeks of laziness and slowing down the thrill of the chase, which leads to boredom on both ends. Let me tell you something men; just because she’s your girlfriend right now, doesn’t mean she’ll always be there unless you actively keep her there by pursuing her like in the exciting early days of your relationship. For men I know it’s difficult to surrdener independence and whatnot, but if you have to promise to promise to eventually commit, that’s some shady business right there. A man should love a woman enough to have a strong desire to seriously commit in the near future, not later rather than sooner. But if not, then girl you’ve got yourself a selfish and immature man-child on your hands and you need to get out, fast. 

To me the act of a promise ring, or any kind of rings (that aren’t engagement or wedding) is simply not admirable or virtuous whatsoever. As a woman naturally in need of love, protection, and commitment, an empty future promise through an ersatz piece of chintzy jewelry simply doesn’t cut it. You can REEEEEE and turn on the keyboard warrior and say that all of the above isn’t your intention, but honestly you can’t really spin it any other way since promise rings are not a real or full commitment... that’s what engagement rings are for after all. 

Exactly What You Need to Give up for Lent

Lent begins in exactly one week, on the 18th of February, but you knew that, right? Where did the ordinary time go? 

*ba dum tsss*

Anyway, last year I came up with a list of 40 Lenten sacrifices, which became the second most popular, shared, and read post in the history of The Salty Catholic. The first was the one about summer modesty, which ruffled some feathers but why would anyone even bother defending immodesty in the first place, especially being Christian? A perfect example of the backward culture of today.

Since Lent is right around the corner, many of us are preparing to sacrifice our little, and not-so-little delights, fancies, and whims in order to die to ourselves physically, to elevate ourselves spiritually. That’s not to say that our bodies are bad, (Theology of the Body, anyone?), but we don’t always have to get whatever we desire, because then it’s easy to forget about the soul when so focused on the body. It’s both a difficult and wonderful thing to be able to say “no” to yourself, for the sake of a greater “yes”. In this Lenten case, the “yes” is cultivating a deeper spirituality and love for Our Crucified Lord. 

While giving up things like coffee and the snooze button are true and admirable sacrifices, if you cherish your sleep and are a heavy coffee drinker like I am,  
the most important thing to give up for Lent isn’t coffee, chocolate, the snooze button, or even social media.

Exactly what you need to give up for Lent is sin and vice. 

They go hand-in-hand; vice leads to sin, and sin feeds vice. However, on the flip side, virtue does the opposite, since it roots out sin and crushes vice. 

Though we (should be making) make the firm resolve to turn away from sin during each confession, the determination must not waver or fade away, especially not now with Lent. If anything, the resolve should be even greater, since our sins are what put Our Lord on the cross. 

To be more specific, let’s look at the seven deadly sins, and the seven virtues which counter them.

Lust vs. Chastity (purity)

Gluttony vs. Temperance 

Avarice vs. Charity 

Sloth vs. Diligence 

Wrath vs. Patience 

Envy vs. Kindness 

Pride vs. Humility 

Pride is the biggest one to beat, not only because it’s the most deadly and damning of all seven, as it is what caused Lucifer to fall, but because it is what spiritually blinds us from seeing our other sins and vices. Since pride is so incredibly blinding, it becomes difficult to see our faults by our own volition. In a state of prideful blindness our sins, vices and mistakes become invisible to us. They are definitely present; we simply refuse to see and remedy them. And if we refuse to see them, then they won’t go anywhere. There they will remain festering, and quietly, or not-so quietly, self-destruct our virtues, relationships, and souls. That’s not very enticing, is it? 

In Proverbs 3:34, it says, “God is stern in dealing with the arrogant, but to the humble He shows kindness.” To combat pride, we must be humble and exercise humility. St. Augustine said, “It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.” It is only with the eyes of humility that we can truly, honestly look at ourselves and begin root out our sins and vices, which is my challenge to you this Lent. Even so, if this still proves to be difficult, which is understandable, but still not an excuse, I encourage you to pray to Our Lady of Sorrows to reveal your vices to you. When Simeon prophesied that baby Jesus was set to be the fall and resurrection of many in Israel, he also said to the Blessed Mother, “and thy own heart a sword shall pierce, that out of many hearts, thoughts shall be revealed.” (Luke 2:34-35) Cling to Our Lady as a child clings to his mother, she will never disappoint. 

No one is perfect, and the concupiscence is real. However, that shouldn’t discourage us from striving for holiness, which begins with humility. As a tip, St. Faustina said, “He who wants to learn true humility should reflect upon the Passion of Jesus.” (Divine Mercy in my Soul, 267)

All in all, whatever you decide to sacrifice or work on for Lent, don’t forget to let love be your motivation. Since Valentine’s Day is coming up, it seems appropriate for this quote by Matt Fradd, since we’re on the topic of love: “We were made by love, to love, and for love. If we don’t get love right, we won’t get life right.” 

I sincerely hope you all prepare well, and have a spiritually fruitful Lenten season. Know that my prayers are with you, always. Pax.

The Silent Drug

There’s a new plague in our society. It has been lurking over time, yet gradually growing, infecting, and spreading wherever it can reach. 
Sometimes it’s silent. Sometimes it’s a whisper. Sometimes it rears its’ ugly head, demanding to be seen and heard by all, only to take all down with it. 

Pornography. 

Yes, I’m finally going there. It’s nearly impossible to go anywhere, turn on any channel, any radio station, anything, without it being pornographic, even in the slightest away. More than anything, it’s pathetic. 

Pathetic because these organizations, producers, directors, designers and whatnot are reducing all to cheap sexuality to force-feed to the people. Our latest example is 50 Shades of Grey. But, we as people can rise above it, and be better than that.

What happened to human sexuality being special? Being treasured? Being revered instead of tossed everywhere and in everyone’s face? Porn is a disease of its’ own, and more than anything, it kills love. It really and truly does. 

Love is cool. 

Porn is not cool. 

It never will be, because nothing is better or cooler than real love. I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it until my voice goes out. We all long for love, and that isn’t a bad thing. It shows that we desire to be unselfish, to think of and eventually give ourselves to another. However, love can’t be found in pornography, because porn warps and distorts the idea of love, by making it solely about yourself, instead of anyone else. The awesome thing about love is that it calls you to forget yourself, for the good of your beloved. 

Porn is the antithesis of love.

However, our modern society definitely isn’t understanding that concept, but that should only be part of our motivation to go against this tide, pursue authentic love, and rise above porn. Although pornography is rampant in the world today, not all hope is lost, because in the end, love always triumphs. 

Which is where I introduce to you, Fight The New Drug 

This is an organization I am very excited about, and if you haven’t heard of them or checked them out before, I strongly urge you to do so. Like, now. They’re doing an amazing job of spreading the word that porn is harmful, not only through the merch and media exposure, but also through the hard facts on the harmful effects of porn use. 

So remember kids, love is cool, and anything else opposite of that, just isn’t.

The Secret to Love

Happy Valentine's Day! A holiday that is so hated yet loved, but in reality the feast day of a great martyr. Despite being single, I personally enjoy Valentine's Day because I'm all for love. Authentic love, that is. Although I am not even remotely close to getting married, I'm already feeling bad for my future spouse because Valentine's Day and my birthday are nearly back to back. Sorry buddy, wherever you are. You'll get extra prayers today. Anyway, in the meanwhile, I have been busy living my community life, watching season 4 of Downton Abbey (I'll miss Matthew forever) and discerning life in general. I also gave a chastity/purity talk to middle schoolers, which was a pretty cool and fruitful experience. Now where were we? 
Oh yes, Valentine's Day.

Love is something that we all long for, whether we admit it or not. Today I'm not going to go on and on about how great chastity and purity are, even though they are pretty awesome and forge the strongest and best relationships. Instead, let's just talk about love. I've said it before, and I'll say it a million times over a million more: love is sacrifice. Where there is no sacrifice, there is no love. When selfishness enters, everything begins to turn to dust. Really. Let's take St. Valentine himself for example, since today is his feast day. He loved God so much, that he sacrificed his life by being brutally beaten with clubs and beheaded, rather than renounce his faith. If that's not love, I don't know what is. So when you see the day plastered in pink and red tones, cheesy bears, pretty flowers and cheap chocolates, forget about the commercialism and remember the day originally bloomed from one man's wholehearted love for God. Major Catholic win for the world.

From the heroic example of St. Valentine and many others, we will never understand or experience true love, until we learn to sacrifice. Yes, it can be painful and it hurts, but love is worth it. This we have learned from Our Lord, Who so willingly sacrificed Himself for love of us. Hence why I state the crucifix is the image of authentic love. So if you want true, selfless and everlasting love, go to Christ crucified. There's no greater love than His. As St. Clare of Assisi said, "Totally love Him, Who gave Himself totally for your love."

Until next time, single or not, I hope all of your hearts remain between the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary, because there's where true love endlessly resounds. 

St. Valentine, ora pro nobis!

It's Rose, Not Pink

One minute I'm prancing around in my Lady of Mount Carmel costume, the next I'm panicking over black widows hiding behind the Christmas decoration boxes. True story. Unlike most of America, I didn't forget good ole' Thanksgiving, but the transition from October to December was fast. A little too fast, but we all say that every single year, don't we? Anywho, in my blogging absence* I've been busy with homework (aka penance), being continuously sick, and somehow hanging out with lots of brothers and seminarians. Cue the #CatholicGirlProblems. God truly does have the greatest sense of humor, praise be to Him. But in all seriousness, continue to pray for an increase in vocations... not to forget holy matrimony, because that's where religious vocations are fostered. Priests, brothers, sisters and nuns don't pop out of thin air, you know. Don't get me wrong, it's great that so many young men and women are courageously answering the call, but holy marriage is also a very important vocation that isn't to be forgotten. However, in the end of it all, whether or not these men and women become religious or not, the Church still gains a more faithful and stronger Catholic; win-win situation.

Moving along, we're all aware that it's Advent! Deo gratias, baby Jesus is on His way. On the third Sunday of Advent, we wear pink. I mean rose. In all honesty, at the Latin mass I went to this past Sunday, I was interiorly geeking out over the rose colored chasuble. So. Cool. With Christmas season comes the Christmas trees, Nativity Scenes, assortment of treats and pretending that empty wrapping paper tubes are didgeridoos. Aside from the preparation for the festivities, are we really ready for Christmas? I'm not talking about it in a material or decorative way. 

Are you really and truly ready to welcome baby Jesus into your heart? 

On Christmas Day we're remembering how Christ came to us in the utmost innocence and vulnerability; as a newborn baby. The little King of kings, lying in a manger wrapped up nice and snug by the Blessed Mother, with dear St. Joseph protecting the both of them. This is the analogy I gave my confirmation class: if you were to invite Christ into your home, would you want it to be spic and span or dirty and cluttered? Chances are, you'd want it to be immaculately clean. With that in mind, the best way to prepare for the coming of Christ is a good, sacramental confession. It might be scary or daunting, but by confessing all of your deepest and darkest sins, you're only opening up your soul to the love and mercy of Christ. You can either shut Him out like the inkeepers of Bethlehem, or make room from Him in the manger of your heart. 

I pray you all have a blessed Christmas season, filled with love and peace of Christ. Not happy holidays, or happy Festivus for the rest of us, but merry Christmas to each and every one of you, from the bottom of my heart.

* Just as a side note, since I'm not able to blog as much as I would like, you can follow me on Twitter, @AlwaysYvonne , to keep up with my Catholic shenanigans and whatnot. 

To Love and Be Loved

For the past few days, setting and keeping high standards has been mulling over in my mind. I have a list of 40-something non-negotiable standards that I  expect in my future spouse, if that is my vocation, God willing. Don't get me wrong, they're not anything fantastical, outlandish or impossible to live up to. Who knows, as time passes, I may even add more. The standards that I keep are my rock; if a guy doesn’t meet even one of them, out he goes. End of story. Ain’t nobody got time for anything else! It’s not that I’m asking for perfection, because I’m not perfect myself, but I know exactly what I want, and I won’t waste my time on someone I couldn’t see myself marrying. Yeah, I’m that kind of girl, praise the Lord most high.
Is having high standards hard? Yup.
At the end of the day, with my empty inbox in the morning and at night, is it even worth it? You bet.

I've never had one serious boyfriend, and that truly doesn't bother me because I'm content knowing that I'm saving my affections and the like for one man, even if I haven't met him yet. If anything, it saddens me that our society ambushes girls with the idea that if they don’t have a boyfriend, or multiple ex's, they're failing at life as a female. Not true! I’m no feminist, so I’m not going to hate on men, but you don’t absolutely have to have a man in your life, 24/7. In order for yourself to grow spiritually and emotionally, there needs to be a time of singleness, and there is nothing wrong or embarrassing about that, because you’re discovering who you are, and finding yourself before you find someone else. 

I’m constantly stressing that just because a guy is nice and says sweet things, it doesn’t mean you’re suddenly obliged to date him. In my book, being nice and smelling good aren't anything to be praised. Firstly because everyone should be genuinely nice, without ulterior motives. Secondly, no one should purposefully stink. Crazy, I know. However, if he can lead you to Heaven and ultimately closer to God than to himself, then that is to be praised. You go, guy.  

If all girls could see their true worth, there would be a change in the tide. My sisters, you are worth so, so much more than a guy who doesn't care about your soul, or respecting you as a whole person, instead of a collection of body parts. There's no such thing as the perfect man (at least on Earth), but the right man will be perfect for you. In the meantime, you don’t have to be bruising your precious heart over and over again. Patience is key.
In part, we girls are so eager for love, we can easily cling to the first thing that foggily resembles an ounce of love, and lie to ourselves that it’s the real deal. But I am begging and pleading you, from the bottom of my heart, to be strong and hold out for the true, chaste love that you deserve and desire. Why specifically chaste love? Bl. John Paul II put it perfectly when he said, "Only the chaste man and the chaste woman are capable of true love." Along with pure friendship, chastity is the foundation of authentic love, which I've talked about numerous times in previous posts. It's not bad that we long for love. I repeat, it is not bad or shameful that we long for love. It’s good. It shows that we desire to be unselfish, and give ourselves to another. It’s been wired into all of our dear hearts by our Heavenly Father, and the same goes for men, mingled with their desire to protect. 

To put it this way, what good ever comes out of impatience? Look at the Israelites in Sacred Scripture. God had the Promised Land laid out for them, yet they were increasingly impatient to get there. To parallel, think of yourself; are you trusting that God has a perfect plan for your desires of love, or are you taking the matter into your own hands and rushing it? 
God is good, and He has perfect plans for each and every one of us, but we are the ones who grow impatient and anxious. I won’t sit here and preach that I’ve never been tempted to settle for less, or have never grown anxious and lonely, or have never felt forever alone. The struggle is real. Despite the occasional rough patches, my desire for authentic love is stronger than the fleeting emotions and those are the times where I remind myself that God isn’t done yet. For all I know, it's only the beginning. At the end of the day, I have joy in the knowledge that Christ loves me much, much more, a million times more than any man ever could or can. This goes for everyone. If I've learned anything during this period of (technically, aside from family and friends) being on my own, it's that we will never be content with anything, until we allow ourselves to love and be loved by Christ. There is nothing on this Earth, that will truly and fully satisfy our yearning for love, but His. 

So my sisters, first love and be loved by Christ alone. Everything else will fall into place. It takes courage, but be those women of courage and trust Him completely, and give Him your heart. I can promise you that it will be the best decision you'll ever make. While you're at it, embrace your God-given femininity. No matter what the world says, it's beautiful and has the power to inspire men for the better. 
And for you manly men out there, continue to be true gentlemen, and don't be afraid of your masculinity. It's also God-given, and this world desperately needs masculine fathers, priests and men who aren't afraid to be men. Your future families, (or parishes) will thank you.

Another One about Chastity

Happy feast of St. Dominic! Founder of the Dominican Order and patron of astronomers, pray for us! Our Lady gifted us with the Holy Rosary through him, so a wonderful way to celebrate his feast day would be to faithfully and devoutly pray one rosary, or two, or three. There's a huge difference between saying the rosary, and actually praying it. I have found that much more graces come from praying it, instead of flying through the beads. Concerning the rosary and Dominicans, Pope Pius XI said, "The Rosary of Mary is the principle and foundation on which the very Order of St. Dominic rests for making perfect the life of its members and obtaining the salvation of others."

St. Dominic, ora pro nobis!

Today's topic is emotional chastity. While we apply chastity to the flesh and our actions, it can also be applied to our emotions. Remember that chastity is not repression, nor is it the absence of carnal desires. Like I've said in my previous post about chastity, it is also not about being physically unattractive or having a neurotic outlook on the opposite gender. One of my favorite organizations, Made In His Image, defines chastity as, "the ordered approach to love." As the ordered approach to love, it calls for what it best for the beloved. I may have said it before, but chastity frees love to be authentic. To be physically chaste is one thing, but to be emotionally chaste is another. We all have emotions, and emotions are meant to be felt. However, we should not be entirely dictated by our emotions, because they are fleeting and can easily change from one way to another. This is where chastity comes in. Chastity allows us to control our emotions and desires, instead of letting them control us. 

Just as we use chastity to guard our most intimate beings, mind and heart, it can also be used to guard our emotions, which comes back around to guarding our hearts. One way of being emotionally chaste is to not begin fantasizing or imagining things about a person, whether it is sexual or not, because the bottom line is that the said person is being reduced to an object to be used. In plainer words, it is objectifying them. While some imaginings may be innocent, such as a handsome man bringing a single girl flowers or in more extreme cases, imagining what their children would look like, it is nonetheless objectifying the man, because whether she knows it or not, the woman is seeing him as a means to fulfill her emotional needs, and no longer as a whole person. Men can also fall into this trap, but in a different way, because they were created to be very visual. One solution is to remember/realize that every single person walking this earth has a soul, heart and mind, and they were not meant or created to be objectified, as if they were an inanimate object. Going back to our definition of love, objectifying the person is not what is best for them because it is depriving them of their humanity, so it is not chastely loving them. 

Emotional chastity also has relevance to our relationships with others. In a sense, to be chaste is to preserve a special part of ourselves that is only meant for one; either for your spouse, or for Christ, depending on what vocation you are called to. When we are emotionally unchaste, while we are not physically giving away ourselves, we are doing this emotionally. This is not healthy and can lead to heartaches, if we are unwise with the use of our emotions. Yes, we can have (chaste) relationships with others, because man is not meant to be alone, but we should go at it in a way that recognizes the dignity of ourselves and of the person next to us, as children of God.

Physical chastity demands discipline and the virtue of fortitude. Its emotional counterpart also requires these, but rather in the mind and thoughts. By practicing emotional chastity not only are we guarding our hearts, but also our souls. Through both physical, mental and emotional chastity; the virtue of chastity as a whole, we are opening the door for pure and authentic love to waltz in, of course in our Heavenly Father's time. Think about it; if nobody has regretted being chaste, why would anyone regret being emotionally chaste?
The ability to love is one of the sweetest gifts God has given us. Chastity is what trains and prepares us to give and receive the authentic love I have been speaking of. While practicing chastity may be difficult today or tomorrow, I can promise you that in His time, when your vocation is all figured out, and you are where you are meant to be, the struggles and triumphs will be worth it. Even in the now of things, it also greatly improves your relationships with others, both male and female. It's an armor of the mind. A perfect model of this virtue is St. Joseph, Our Blessed Mother's most chaste spouse. Through his example, we can draw inspiration and strength to fight the good fight, and come out victorious in Christ. 

I understand the struggle of remaining chaste in this modern society, but be rest assured that my prayers are with you. More importantly, all of Heaven is cheering you on. Go, be chaste and if you fall, get back up and try again! Remember that there is no such thing as too much perseverance. 

St. Joseph, pray for us,
Mater Dolorosa, ora pro nobis,
-Yvonne Gemma

-End of actual post, other small tidbits here-

I'm preparing to begin school again very soon, (senior year, class of '14). Although I don't have senioritis, I'm looking forward to graduating high school. I'm hoping to keep busy without becoming stressed out this year, since idleness can be spiritually dangerous. Please pray for me! 

Joyful Holiness: Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati

 Today (July 4th) is not only the celebration of America, but also the feast day of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati. He is one of my patrons and favorite holy men, right next to St. Gabriel Possenti and St. Thomas Aquinas. Let's look at the basic 

facts about him.

Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati
Born: April 6th, 1901, Turin, Italy

Died: July 4th, 1925, also in Turn, at the age of 24

Occupation: Third Order Dominican, servant of the poor and social activist.

Cause of holy death: Without warning, he died within five days of developing polio. It is believed he contracted the disease from the poor he was serving. To his parents surprise, thousands arrived at his funeral to pay their respects to, as Bl. John Paul II called him, "a man of the Beatitudes". 

Not only was Bl. Pier Giorgio truly "a man of the Beatitudes", he was also a great example of joyful, devout Catholic living and piety, especially for the youth and young adults in the world of today. This holy young man was selfless, brave, handsome, chaste, athletic and always ready for a good joke. Although he was born into a wealthy Italian family with prominent influence, that did not hinder his extraordinary virtues or path to holiness. Bl. Pier Giorgio understood that where faith is, holiness and happiness are also nearby. He demonstrated this when he said, "You ask me whether I am in good spirits. How could I not be so? As long as faith gives me strength I will always be joyful!" 

Although he was indeed joyful, his life was also touched with sorrow. Each sorrow that the saints endured were all unique and specially designed for them, as a test of their faith. His own trial was just that. It came in the form of heartache. Bl. Pier Giorgio fell deeply in love with a girl named Laura Hidalgo, but this love was not destined for the altar. Because of social prejudice towards Laura from his mother and his own painful realization that it was not God's will, he did not pursue a relationship with her. Despite the sorrow he endured, Bl. Pier Giorgio sincerely fulfilled what true love calls for. Since love is not about happy-fuzzy feelings or emotions, but rather doing what is best for the beloved, which requires sacrifice, Bl. Pier Giorgio carried this out faithfully and with masculine grace. By sacrificing his love for Laura to honor his mother and the will of God, he still experienced and demonstrated authentic, selfless love. 
I especially admire him for this, as it takes a lot of courage to say "No" to our own desires, and "Yes" to God, even when it is painful or difficult. 

It is often believed that to be a saint, one must be gloomy and always in a religious habit. Bl. Pier Giorgio showed the world that to be a saint, you don't have to be somber, boring or in a religious habit. He was fun-loving, exuberant, active and the image of what it really means to be a devout Catholic layperson. Holiness is never boring! As St. Teresa of Avila said, "May God deliver me from gloomy saints!" While the Lord calls many special souls to know, love and serve him through consecrated religious life, He does not call every single one of us to this means of sanctification. This is perfectly okay, as the Lord has other ways of bringing us closer to Him, because truly, we're all called to sainthood, no matter what our state in life is. Bl. Pier Giorgio is an example of that. By God's grace, his life was sanctified by living out his daily life in true joy and genuine charity for all. If all Catholics, young and old alike, imitated his character, we would surely see a change in the Catholic culture.

The phrase, "verso l'alto" is often associated with Bl. Pier Giorgio. The translation is, "Toward the top". There is a photograph of him that captures his last mountain climb as he looks up towards the summit. On the back of this image, he wrote these words. After his unexpected death, the simple expression later proved to be a portrayal of his life and spirituality. Bl. Pier Giorgio certainly did move "verso l'alto". His joy here on earth has been magnified a thousand times over in Heaven, the pinnacle of jubilation, and he is now awaiting future canonization. 

Happy Feast Day!

"In God's marvelous plan, Divine Providence often uses the tiniest twigs to do good works... what would life be without acts of charity?"
                                                               -Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati


Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, pray for us,
Mater Dolorosa, ora pro nobis, 
verso l'alto,

-Yvonne Gemma

Chastity and Love: BFF's

Oh love. Glorious, marvelous love. It makes boys smile in spite of themselves, and girls blush while their eyes light up. Love is great. It's great to be in love, no one can deny that. But, love has a best friend and counterpart.
Chastity. 
Be prepared to read that word about fifty times, more or less. While all of the virtues are wonderful and holy, chastity happens to be one that is near and dear to my little heart. Since I have experienced the utter joy, peace, love and patience (note: a few fruits of the Holy Spirit) that chastity brings, I cannot stress how important and fulfilling it is to practice this virtue. 

But what is chastity?

Bl. John Paul II put it excellently as follows, "Chastity can only be thought of in the association of the virtue of love." 

However, what is love? Really and truly? Whether we admit it or not, we all long for love. That is not a bad thing. We were created for love, and to be loved. First, it should be by our Heavenly Father; the only One Who can fully and completely satisfy the thirst for love. I firmly believe that when a person loves God above all, He will guide them to the form of love He has planned for him or her. It could be through holy matrimony, holy orders, or blessed singleness. However, one should not fret or be opposed to any of these great vocations, because each one is perfectly assigned through Divine Providence, by a God Who makes no mistakes. 

Now then, all of this information is good, even great, to internalize. But it still hasn't answered the first question. 

Ready for it?

Love is sacrifice and desiring the greater good for your beloved, even when it means dying to yourself.

Before I begin to explain how chastity ties in with this definition of love, let us look at Christ crucified. It is not an easy image to see, but this is love. 
Behold the greatest act of love that has ever been accomplished on this Earth.

Christ crucified is the absolute perfect image of true love. He completely and fully died and sacrificed Himself for His bride, the Church, His beloved, for her greater good. The crucifix is all masculine and all love. How so? Love is and calls for sacrifice. A boy doesn't become a man when he loses his virginity; he becomes a man when he learns to forget himself in order to selflessly sacrifice... which is hence, masculine. So men, to learn how to be masculine, and how to love in a chaste and pure way, look to Jesus crucified. Yes, it is difficult, but to die to yourself for the greater good of your beloved, whether it be to a woman, or to the Church under holy orders, will only make you a better, more Christ-like man. Next, in soars chastity. My favorite speaker on chastity, Jason Evert, has said, "Chastity teaches you to give yourself to another in a sacrificial way." 

To be chaste and practice chastity, does not mean to be prudish or to be as physically unattractive as you can. Think of it this way: the ugliest person could be the most unchaste person, while the most beautiful can be the most chaste. Chastity also is not the same as repression, as if it is holding you back or stopping you from anything. As the ordered approach to love, chastity does the opposite. It frees you to authentically love in a pure, selfless and amazing way... without being sexual. The world would gasp at such an expression of love, but take a look at how those relationships end up working out, as in usually failing. Harsh, yet true. 

As chastity and modesty go hand-in-hand, there is an air of mystery about the relationship. What is not seen and what is unknown, is alluring and provides a stronger foundation to the couple practicing chastity, because they are falling in the love for the right reasons, without the worry of lust. When a couple is sexually active, the relationships tend to end more quickly, because lust is impatient. As Jason Evert has also said, "Love can wait to give, but lust can't wait to get." However, chastity provides the protection that is needed to sift out the users. Chastity also brings forth the opportunity to love one another in pure, non-sexual ways. This can be through little gifts, innocent time spent together and so on. With the elimination of sex and impure actions, lust is thrown out the window and genuine love is invited in. With the distraction of sex out of the picture, the pair can really focus on getting to know each other, and clearly discern if their vocations are to be married. 

Chastity challenges men to go beyond their sexual desires, and show their beloved that they can chastely and purely love and relate to them, beyond their body. Ladies, don't settle for a guy who isn't willing to do this for you. No man has any right to your body, until he lifts your wedding veil and puts a ring on your finger. At the bottom of every girls' heart, she wants to be loved for who she is, beyond her sexuality. Only after marriage, should you give your husband the priceless, beautiful gift of yourself, and he the same for you. The marital act isn't bad, and isn't dirty, because it comes from God, and He does not create anything that is bad or dirty. It is good, sacred and holy, when it is done within the boundaries of marriage, the only place where it is meant to be. When you truly love someone, you do what is best for them, at all costs. To put the sin of impurity on their soul is not what is best for them, because true love waits. It is patient and not rushed. 

Yet, even if you have made mistakes in the past, what matters the most is where you go from here, as Jason Evert and his wife, Crystalina, always note. Chastity opens the door for a love that is authentic, pure, peaceful and focused on the greatest good for the whole person. Meanwhile, its' counterfeit offers stress, the potential pain of being used, and an uneasy conscience. Why an uneasy conscience? Notice that when something is chaste and pure, it does not have to be rationalized and peace comes with it.

Which form of love will you choose to give and receive?

Before I end this post, I have one thing left to say. Pray for your future spouse, even if you have not met them yet. Your prayers for them can make a world of a difference in their lives. Girls, entrust your future husband to St. Joseph. Guys, entrust your future wife to Our Blessed Mother. Praying for your future spouse and knowing that they are out there somewhere should help you to live a chaste life; wouldn't you also want them to live a chaste life, prior to your marriage? Even if your vocation is not holy matrimony, living a chaste lifestyle will greatly benefit your vocation of holy orders or blessed singleness. When you respect and treat your sexuality with the dignity and reverence it deserves, you are also honoring God, He Who is also love. 

St. Maria Goretti, St. Raphael, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Gemma Galgani, St. Gianna Beretta Molla, Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, St. Augustine, chaste heart of St. Joseph, Mater Dolorosa, pray for us.

Stay strong, chaste and pure, authentic love awaits...

-Yvonne Gemma