Chastity.
Be prepared to read that word about fifty times, more or less. While all of the virtues are wonderful and holy, chastity happens to be one that is near and dear to my little heart. Since I have experienced the utter joy, peace, love and patience (note: a few fruits of the Holy Spirit) that chastity brings, I cannot stress how important and fulfilling it is to practice this virtue.
But what is chastity?
Bl. John Paul II put it excellently as follows, "Chastity can only be thought of in the association of the virtue of love."
However, what is love? Really and truly? Whether we admit it or not, we all long for love. That is not a bad thing. We were created for love, and to be loved. First, it should be by our Heavenly Father; the only One Who can fully and completely satisfy the thirst for love. I firmly believe that when a person loves God above all, He will guide them to the form of love He has planned for him or her. It could be through holy matrimony, holy orders, or blessed singleness. However, one should not fret or be opposed to any of these great vocations, because each one is perfectly assigned through Divine Providence, by a God Who makes no mistakes.
Now then, all of this information is good, even great, to internalize. But it still hasn't answered the first question.
Ready for it?
Love is sacrifice and desiring the greater good for your beloved, even when it means dying to yourself.
Before I begin to explain how chastity ties in with this definition of love, let us look at Christ crucified. It is not an easy image to see, but this is love.
Behold the greatest act of love that has ever been accomplished on this Earth.
Behold the greatest act of love that has ever been accomplished on this Earth.
Christ crucified is the absolute perfect image of true love. He completely and fully died and sacrificed Himself for His bride, the Church, His beloved, for her greater good. The crucifix is all masculine and all love. How so? Love is and calls for sacrifice. A boy doesn't become a man when he loses his virginity; he becomes a man when he learns to forget himself in order to selflessly sacrifice... which is hence, masculine. So men, to learn how to be masculine, and how to love in a chaste and pure way, look to Jesus crucified. Yes, it is difficult, but to die to yourself for the greater good of your beloved, whether it be to a woman, or to the Church under holy orders, will only make you a better, more Christ-like man. Next, in soars chastity. My favorite speaker on chastity, Jason Evert, has said, "Chastity teaches you to give yourself to another in a sacrificial way."
To be chaste and practice chastity, does not mean to be prudish or to be as physically unattractive as you can. Think of it this way: the ugliest person could be the most unchaste person, while the most beautiful can be the most chaste. Chastity also is not the same as repression, as if it is holding you back or stopping you from anything. As the ordered approach to love, chastity does the opposite. It frees you to authentically love in a pure, selfless and amazing way... without being sexual. The world would gasp at such an expression of love, but take a look at how those relationships end up working out, as in usually failing. Harsh, yet true.
As chastity and modesty go hand-in-hand, there is an air of mystery about the relationship. What is not seen and what is unknown, is alluring and provides a stronger foundation to the couple practicing chastity, because they are falling in the love for the right reasons, without the worry of lust. When a couple is sexually active, the relationships tend to end more quickly, because lust is impatient. As Jason Evert has also said, "Love can wait to give, but lust can't wait to get." However, chastity provides the protection that is needed to sift out the users. Chastity also brings forth the opportunity to love one another in pure, non-sexual ways. This can be through little gifts, innocent time spent together and so on. With the elimination of sex and impure actions, lust is thrown out the window and genuine love is invited in. With the distraction of sex out of the picture, the pair can really focus on getting to know each other, and clearly discern if their vocations are to be married.
Chastity challenges men to go beyond their sexual desires, and show their beloved that they can chastely and purely love and relate to them, beyond their body. Ladies, don't settle for a guy who isn't willing to do this for you. No man has any right to your body, until he lifts your wedding veil and puts a ring on your finger. At the bottom of every girls' heart, she wants to be loved for who she is, beyond her sexuality. Only after marriage, should you give your husband the priceless, beautiful gift of yourself, and he the same for you. The marital act isn't bad, and isn't dirty, because it comes from God, and He does not create anything that is bad or dirty. It is good, sacred and holy, when it is done within the boundaries of marriage, the only place where it is meant to be. When you truly love someone, you do what is best for them, at all costs. To put the sin of impurity on their soul is not what is best for them, because true love waits. It is patient and not rushed.
Yet, even if you have made mistakes in the past, what matters the most is where you go from here, as Jason Evert and his wife, Crystalina, always note. Chastity opens the door for a love that is authentic, pure, peaceful and focused on the greatest good for the whole person. Meanwhile, its' counterfeit offers stress, the potential pain of being used, and an uneasy conscience. Why an uneasy conscience? Notice that when something is chaste and pure, it does not have to be rationalized and peace comes with it.
Which form of love will you choose to give and receive?
Before I end this post, I have one thing left to say. Pray for your future spouse, even if you have not met them yet. Your prayers for them can make a world of a difference in their lives. Girls, entrust your future husband to St. Joseph. Guys, entrust your future wife to Our Blessed Mother. Praying for your future spouse and knowing that they are out there somewhere should help you to live a chaste life; wouldn't you also want them to live a chaste life, prior to your marriage? Even if your vocation is not holy matrimony, living a chaste lifestyle will greatly benefit your vocation of holy orders or blessed singleness. When you respect and treat your sexuality with the dignity and reverence it deserves, you are also honoring God, He Who is also love.
St. Maria Goretti, St. Raphael, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Gemma Galgani, St. Gianna Beretta Molla, Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, St. Augustine, chaste heart of St. Joseph, Mater Dolorosa, pray for us.
Stay strong, chaste and pure, authentic love awaits...
-Yvonne Gemma
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