To Love and Be Loved

For the past few days, setting and keeping high standards has been mulling over in my mind. I have a list of 40-something non-negotiable standards that I  expect in my future spouse, if that is my vocation, God willing. Don't get me wrong, they're not anything fantastical, outlandish or impossible to live up to. Who knows, as time passes, I may even add more. The standards that I keep are my rock; if a guy doesn’t meet even one of them, out he goes. End of story. Ain’t nobody got time for anything else! It’s not that I’m asking for perfection, because I’m not perfect myself, but I know exactly what I want, and I won’t waste my time on someone I couldn’t see myself marrying. Yeah, I’m that kind of girl, praise the Lord most high.
Is having high standards hard? Yup.
At the end of the day, with my empty inbox in the morning and at night, is it even worth it? You bet.

I've never had one serious boyfriend, and that truly doesn't bother me because I'm content knowing that I'm saving my affections and the like for one man, even if I haven't met him yet. If anything, it saddens me that our society ambushes girls with the idea that if they don’t have a boyfriend, or multiple ex's, they're failing at life as a female. Not true! I’m no feminist, so I’m not going to hate on men, but you don’t absolutely have to have a man in your life, 24/7. In order for yourself to grow spiritually and emotionally, there needs to be a time of singleness, and there is nothing wrong or embarrassing about that, because you’re discovering who you are, and finding yourself before you find someone else. 

I’m constantly stressing that just because a guy is nice and says sweet things, it doesn’t mean you’re suddenly obliged to date him. In my book, being nice and smelling good aren't anything to be praised. Firstly because everyone should be genuinely nice, without ulterior motives. Secondly, no one should purposefully stink. Crazy, I know. However, if he can lead you to Heaven and ultimately closer to God than to himself, then that is to be praised. You go, guy.  

If all girls could see their true worth, there would be a change in the tide. My sisters, you are worth so, so much more than a guy who doesn't care about your soul, or respecting you as a whole person, instead of a collection of body parts. There's no such thing as the perfect man (at least on Earth), but the right man will be perfect for you. In the meantime, you don’t have to be bruising your precious heart over and over again. Patience is key.
In part, we girls are so eager for love, we can easily cling to the first thing that foggily resembles an ounce of love, and lie to ourselves that it’s the real deal. But I am begging and pleading you, from the bottom of my heart, to be strong and hold out for the true, chaste love that you deserve and desire. Why specifically chaste love? Bl. John Paul II put it perfectly when he said, "Only the chaste man and the chaste woman are capable of true love." Along with pure friendship, chastity is the foundation of authentic love, which I've talked about numerous times in previous posts. It's not bad that we long for love. I repeat, it is not bad or shameful that we long for love. It’s good. It shows that we desire to be unselfish, and give ourselves to another. It’s been wired into all of our dear hearts by our Heavenly Father, and the same goes for men, mingled with their desire to protect. 

To put it this way, what good ever comes out of impatience? Look at the Israelites in Sacred Scripture. God had the Promised Land laid out for them, yet they were increasingly impatient to get there. To parallel, think of yourself; are you trusting that God has a perfect plan for your desires of love, or are you taking the matter into your own hands and rushing it? 
God is good, and He has perfect plans for each and every one of us, but we are the ones who grow impatient and anxious. I won’t sit here and preach that I’ve never been tempted to settle for less, or have never grown anxious and lonely, or have never felt forever alone. The struggle is real. Despite the occasional rough patches, my desire for authentic love is stronger than the fleeting emotions and those are the times where I remind myself that God isn’t done yet. For all I know, it's only the beginning. At the end of the day, I have joy in the knowledge that Christ loves me much, much more, a million times more than any man ever could or can. This goes for everyone. If I've learned anything during this period of (technically, aside from family and friends) being on my own, it's that we will never be content with anything, until we allow ourselves to love and be loved by Christ. There is nothing on this Earth, that will truly and fully satisfy our yearning for love, but His. 

So my sisters, first love and be loved by Christ alone. Everything else will fall into place. It takes courage, but be those women of courage and trust Him completely, and give Him your heart. I can promise you that it will be the best decision you'll ever make. While you're at it, embrace your God-given femininity. No matter what the world says, it's beautiful and has the power to inspire men for the better. 
And for you manly men out there, continue to be true gentlemen, and don't be afraid of your masculinity. It's also God-given, and this world desperately needs masculine fathers, priests and men who aren't afraid to be men. Your future families, (or parishes) will thank you.