I haven’t talked about dating in a while because the topic gets old and stale to me. But I do want to talk about promise rings since I’ve been meaning to for a long time. For a backdrop I myself have never found them to be romantic, cute, or even slightly desirable. They just scream of middle and high school kids who aimlessly date while having absolutely no business dating, when they don’t know what the purpose of dating is. If anyone tried giving me a promise ring I’d be seriously insulted and perturbed. I know a few others who also share the same sentiment, and rightly so.
Why the offense? Because it’s a cop out, a substitute, an ersatz offering. Of course there’s the trailing argument which goes something like, “Well, we’re not ready for marriage yet but we’re pledging to stay together and stay faithful until we are.” I call foul to that. Ready or not if that’s the person God wills you with then you should be working towards seriously getting ready anyhow; without cutesy little rings signifying nothing more than ambiguity.
When a guy gives a girl a promise ring he’s basically saying, “Sweetheart, I like you a lot but I don’t actually love you enough to make a hard, real commitment through an engagement ring, so take this little substitute instead and it’ll be a real commitment later. You know, eventually, I don’t know when, but sometime in the ambiguous future.”
So basically, “I’m committing to commit to you in the future, but until then I want you to commit to committing to me until I’m ready to commit to commit to you for real.”
Come on now, what kind of mess is that?
It’s lazily going halves, that’s what. When it comes to love and marriage, you cannot go halves or be lazy. It’s not 50/50, it’s 100/100. Men do what is hard and giving a promise ring isn’t very hard to do since it’s not a real commitment and there’s no hard work involved in that. I’m going to go as far to say that it’s an act of sloth because it’s avoiding what’s hard by choosing the easy way out. Promise rings require no real commitment and are some cheap, weak way to try to show off, which in retrospect isn’t and shouldn’t be very impressive. However, sincerely promising a marriage in the near future is what truly takes courageous virtue.
A promise ring is also based on feelings, not action. That alone is problematic since love requires movement and can’t be based on stagnant hunks of jewelry to show off pseudo action. There we have a guy patting himself on the back for keeping his girlfriend appeased while he’s not actually doing anything, whilst thinking he’s made in the shade and has her in the bag. On the other hand the girl is starry-eyed and in awe that he’s promising to promise to commit to her one day, eventually... who knows when. It just reeks of laziness and slowing down the thrill of the chase, which leads to boredom on both ends. Let me tell you something men; just because she’s your girlfriend right now, doesn’t mean she’ll always be there unless you actively keep her there by pursuing her like in the exciting early days of your relationship. For men I know it’s difficult to surrdener independence and whatnot, but if you have to promise to promise to eventually commit, that’s some shady business right there. A man should love a woman enough to have a strong desire to seriously commit in the near future, not later rather than sooner. But if not, then girl you’ve got yourself a selfish and immature man-child on your hands and you need to get out, fast.
To me the act of a promise ring, or any kind of rings (that aren’t engagement or wedding) is simply not admirable or virtuous whatsoever. As a woman naturally in need of love, protection, and commitment, an empty future promise through an ersatz piece of chintzy jewelry simply doesn’t cut it. You can REEEEEE and turn on the keyboard warrior and say that all of the above isn’t your intention, but honestly you can’t really spin it any other way since promise rings are not a real or full commitment... that’s what engagement rings are for after all.
Much thanks to you for the post.
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